We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
