You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
