I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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