Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
he wants to bone in the snuggie
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Randomize
