I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
