i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
high people should be assigned attendants
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Randomize
