you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
