i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
