and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Randomize
