32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
