Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Randomize
