She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
