i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
