I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
