whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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