matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize
