i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
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