He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
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