Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
