I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
Please, let me fuck your mom
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Randomize
