Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Randomize
