i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
