went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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