you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
there is puke in my bra ... again
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