Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
