I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
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