is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
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