College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
