I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
