i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
