Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
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