he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
