I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
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