my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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