I'll bet she douches with gravy.
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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