It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Randomize
