If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
