You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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