The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Randomize
