if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
