I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Randomize
