Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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