Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Randomize
