apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
