is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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