ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Randomize
