; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
