Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
