there's paper in my vomit.
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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