I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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