is your mom at the bar?
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
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