Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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