Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
